Lone Parents

We have created a special area for Lone Parents on Mum and Working - inspired by the huge response we have had about work that is suitable for one parent familes.

Area Principal of an Adult Education centre - Judith Hann

Judith split up from her partner a year ago and tells Mum and Working how she juggles her busy career and three children on her own.

The Interview

Name - Judith Hann

Location - Cornwall

Family - Mitchell aged 6.5, Erin aged 5, Alistair aged 3.5

Job title: Area Principal of an Adult Education Centre

You split up from your partner a year ago - have you found working life more a challenge since becoming a lone parent? In terms of balancing work and home life?

Definitely! In my role as Area Principal of an Adult Education centre I have always worked a minimum of two evenings a week, as well as occasional Saturdays for training events etc. the sheer logistics of this have become much more complicated (it was OK at first as he stayed in the village and had the kids two nights a week and on Sundays - he has now moved back to his parents in Dorset and only has the kids on a Sunday) I had to reschedule work, as well as often take the kids to evening visits with me - not professional, nor terribly good for the kids, but needs must! The balancing act is difficult - I try to make sure that I actually spend time with the kids when we get home (normally around 6.00pm) but it easy incredibly easy to get sidetracked byt the washing, the ironing, the hovering etc...

My job is well paid, but as a result I feel a need to be seen as professional - and the fact that I have small children should not be an excuse for not doing my job properly (therefore I probably go out of my way to make sure I get to meetings on time, even if I have to 'dump' the kids with a pal before school! - not all colleagues make the same effort, and most are not at the life stage I am at...)

What is your background?

I have always worked, going back at the three month mark following maternity leave. I feel that I am a more fulfilled person and therefore a better Mum for working. It means being organised, and having access to childcare - which is not easy in rural Cornwall. I did use to do a 20 mile round trip in the mornings, repeat in the afternoons, just to be able to go to work which was 4 miles from the house - all because of the lack of childcare! My kids have enjoyed Nursery, and certainly were not fazed by school, as they were used to be being away from me. I have always worked for local Government/governmental agencies and luckily I have often had wonderful bosses who understand and make allowances - but there is a constant pressure to generate the goodwill to allow that to happen!

What childcare do you use/have you used in school holidays?

A variety of local young people (i.e. 17 year old who used to live next door!) Nursery 'Holiday Clubs' and nursery staff working directly for me. School holidays are a nightmare - because I work in education there is an expectation that I can taker time off, but very often these are the busiest times (i.e. enrolment for evening classes during the summer). However, the one saving grace is that the kids are normally all in one place at the one time - so there is a lot less travelling. This year my ex is taking the kids on holiday for 2 weeks (with his parents) and this is the first 2 weeks of holiday 'childcare' he has ever been responsible for organising! Because the kids and I are moving house, the summer is a combination of holiday club at the Nursery, private arrangement with the centre manager - i.e. childminding in my house; and the Holiday Club at the new Nursery!

Have you found employers have been understanding if your children are ill? or if you have to attend a school event?

Generally - but as I have said previously, I feel I need to work that bit harder to show that having kids/being a single Mum does not interfere with work. Because of my (senior) position, I am pretty lucky in that I can pretty do what I need to be at events - but as a single mum there is no-one to share those events with, and so I can feel guilty about taking so much time off - especially around Christmas. This is the first year I made it to Sports Day at school as my ex always went, but I did have to miss Sports Day at Nursery because of an immoveable, unmissable meeting - the guilt is always there!

Bizarrely, in my new post, which starts next week, my management team will consist of myself, two part time (and single Mum) assistants and one full time, assistant, (married male with grown up kids). I feel a real pressure will be how to support my two part timers, in their situations, whilst ensuring that my full timer does not feel hard done by.

How have you found work? Through Job Centre? Local Paper?

Through the local paper - I got the job with Adult Ed when we moved her 5 years ago, and since then I have had three (including the impending one) changes internally

Have you found it difficult to find work which fits in well with your family life?

When I first started I was very part time - 0.5post, but it is extremely difficult to fit things into to part time posts - I am anticipating that my two part timers above will actually add up to more than one whole, as this has been my experience in the past - trying to fit the job into the hours is never easy. I think it mainly depends upon the working relationship you have with your line manager, as well as how well you deal with the guilt!

You are about to change jobs. Is this for a reason related to your family?...

It's a fresh start - it is the same job as I do now, but very different centres (3 times the size of my current operation!) and a whole new set of people and priorities to learn. However, the upshot will be a more stable life, as the nursery is 5 minutes from my new house (and 10 minutes from work), they will pick up from the school and take my older ones for afterschool club, and then I pick them all up from one place at the end of the day.

Currently, I have been having to leave the office at 3.10pm, pick up from school at 3.15pm - take to after school club and then return to work - normally by 3.45 - which is OK, but very often I have meetings across the county and therefore have had to relay very heavily on friends, colleagues and the nursery to help me. The worst time of all is part time schooling - great for at home Mum's but a logistical nightmare for us workers.

Do you feel single parent families face extra challenges when looking for work? What do you think they are?

Undoubtedly

Financially - are you going to be better off? Luckily my Child tax credit meets the nursery/childcare bill, but that isn't so easy to get if it is an informal arrangement with friends/relatives.
Reliability of childcare - absolutely vital - if your friend isn't going to be reliable then don't use them - and also bear in mind how long you are going to want the childcare for - in the longer term it is better to pay for it, and have a contractual arrangement than to end up losing friends.
Contingency - how do you cope when your child is unwell - are you able to work from home? Is there someone who is willing to look after them if they are unwell...if it is formal childcare it is pretty unlikely, and some nurseries are very jumpy about the slightest thing and will call you away for absolutely noting. Childminders/smaller nurseries and older childcare workers tend to be better on this as they are more involved with the children - the larger chains tend to have younger staff who will follow the rulebook to the letter!
How others will react! - Sounds silly, but it is something to overcome. My ex is extremely cross at my deciding to move (even though he moved away first...) My ex-inlaws always felt I was letting my children down by working, and certainly there have been comments from other 'stay at home Mum's' about why do you do it. Be very clear that work is more than a way to pay the bills - for me it gives stimulus, interesting company, a chance to be 'me' etc - but don't expect everyone to see it that way. Be brave!

Any advice for lone parents who haven't worked for a while, but would now like to get a job? or are hoping to move to a more flexible career?

If you are clear that this is the right thing to do, then go for it. You are entitled to work and have children - the two are not mutually exclusive and can both be strengthened by the other. Be clear from the outset about how you want the job to fit around the kids (and don't forget that the kids can be expected to fit around the work - you are not a slave!)

Be honest with your kids - mine know that I work, and that I do it because I like it, it brings in the money that buys the food and that it is a good thing to do - kids are generally more adaptable than your might think! (My little girl role plays going to work, with a phone, briefcase and her filofax - I used to feel guilty about that, but now believe that that is a positive, not a negative, piece of play!)

Ask for support - that's what friends (and family) are for - but make sure it is to suit you, not them!! (sorry to sound mercenary, but you can end up making arrangements that actually complicate things rather than simplify!) Don't be afraid to say that you can't do it all - get the kids to wash up/tidy up; ask someone for some help with the garden etc.

Don't over stretch yourself on other commitments - I did get into a rut of trying to 'do' something with the kids at the weekends (i.e. trips out, visits etc) instead, being with you, and playing in their own space is as healthy, if not better for them - if they are not in the house all day, everyday, then spending a Saturday in the house, playing with their toys is a treat!